Day 2 preview, 1 day early

Welcome back to the little blog that could. I am writing with less than six hours to go before the opening kickoff of the 2010 World Cup, and I am still hungover from last night. That being said I need to crack open a cold one and dive right in to the next segment of the "Ultimate Fake Guide to the World Cup." Saturday will be our first taste of three games in one day, and in South Korea people will be at fever pitch in anticipation of their first game against Greece. Backyards in Korea will be filled with the savory aroma of dog meat, and the the Greeks will be rioting in the streets, not because of the game, but because that is what they do in Greece. I have little knowledge of either squad other than the Greeks are boring, pack ten behind the ball and hope to win 1-0, and they use too much hair gel. The Koreans will avoid traveling to the game by submarine, for fear of their neighbours to the north shooting torpedoes at them. I predict the Koreans will travel by bus.
Next up is Argentina vs. Nigeria. This will be our first glimpse of Lionel Messi, but more importantly hot girls from Argentina in skimpy outfits. Coach of Argentina, Diego Maradona, who is probably high right now, picked 15 forwards for his squad. He left everyone who follows soccer regularly dumbfounded when he left out of his squad, Esteban Cambiasso and Javier Zanetti, two world class players who inspired Inter Milan to the Champions League glory. Cambiasso who plays midfield and Zanetti who plays in the defense, would start for every team in the world, but because the Argentine F.A. chose a crack addict to lead the squad, I would not be surprised if Argentina became the first major casualty of the World Cup. Lionel Messi's individual brilliance won't be enough to overcome the fact that Maradona is a bigger dope than the bag he smoked last night. As with all the African teams, Nigeria will be playing with extra vigor and resolve. This Nigeria squad is not blessed with the quality that "Screaming Eagles" fans are accustomed, but a favorable group draw could well see them to the Second phase, stay tuned.
The last game of the day is the biggest and most monumental match I might ever witness, England vs The United States of America. England last contested the yanks in '76. Team captain Washington, was brilliant on the day, winning man of the match honours. Midfield Maestro, Arnold, shocked everyone by scoring an own goal in the first half, but was substituted for defender Lafayette who was equal on the day to English striker Cornwallis. A strange thing happened that fateful day, the French team arrived by flotilla and blockaded the stadium. The English in a unprecedented show of good sportsmanship ceded all Native American territory between the Appalachian Mountains and the Mississippi River to the United States.
We are now moments away from kickoff, time to get this party started. Good luck to everyone who made a bet, and if you bet on Argentina I will have to assume you were high.